There's Grace For That

A moment of surrender four years led me down to Arizona

I left my home in Seattle on a leap of faith

I came with big dreams and big visions

It has almost been two years now down in Arizona

I know I am supposed to be down here

I know God is paving His Will for my life

However, this surrendered life doesn't come without difficulties

God didn't promise that even if you walk in His Will it will always be easy

If we are not careful and mindful to put God first, our comfort will set in

Our selfish desires start to overpower His desires for us

My story of Grace is one of vulnerability

I thought I had it all figured out coming down to Arizona

I thought I was bullet proof to the ways of the world
To the ways of the enemy

Turns out, I am not

And neither are you

We are human beings not meant for this world

We are more broken and fallen just like this world

More than we ever dare to admit

But we are also loved more than we ever dare believe

"for all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God,

and are justified by his grace as a gift, 
through the redemption that is in Christ Jesus"

Romans 3:24

So, what is Grace?

When we stumble

There is Grace

When we fall

There is Grace

When we turn away

There is Grace

When we make a wrong decision

There is Grace

When we mess up

There is Grace

Even in the all out cry- face on the floor- hands in the air- surrender moments

There is Grace that wraps you up, holds you and says "I am here"

Grace says "You are loved"

Grace says "You are forgiven"

Grace says "You are seen"
Grace says "You will be OK"

Grace is not something we deserve but something that is freely given to us by The One who loves us 

Grace says, "No matter what you do, nothing can separate you from me and my love"

Grace says, "I understand this world is hard"
Grace says "There is no shame, no judgement, no condemnation" 

Grace says, "No matter what you did to yourself, no matter how you got into this situation, I still forgive you, I still love you"

 No one is too far away where the Grace of God cannot go
No one is in too deep where the Grace of God cannot reach down and rescue


Grace allows us to live freely and boldly, knowing that no matter what happens we are covered in Grace

Continuing my journey in Arizona, that is exactly what I am going to do

I will continue to press into the Lord asking for His Grace daily

Never taking it for granted

I am going to go boldly into this world knowing I will stumble

But knowing the Grace of God will ALWAYS help me back up

I am confident that He will help me & Grace me to do what He has called me to do
And because of that, I will rest in His Amazing Grace

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When Comparison Truly Becomes Your Thief of Joy

It is almost midnight and I am scrolling through Facebook

Not looking for anything specific, no purpose whatsoever
Isn't that how it always is 90% of the time?

I read a blog post and I start to think about how much better it is than mine

I continue to read about her ministry and count the followers she has

I start to compare my small ministry and I lose a little piece of joy

Then I switch to Instagram and I see a "selfie" of another "friend" and her husband

I start to compare my single life and I lose a little piece of joy

Then I see I have a notification on Twitter

I scroll through the "140 characters or less" status' about vacations, weddings and new houses

I start to compare my "boring life" and I lose a little piece of joy

In the span of two minutes, I have completely convinced myself my purpose is not big enough, I don't work hard enough, I need to be skinnier, more adventurous, take more risks, buy a nicer car, and I need a husband and 2.5 kids by yesterday

This scenario didn't just happen tonight- it happens daily
Is this just me?

Why do we compare our own lives to the highlight reels of others?

Highlight reels are just that, the highlights of a person's life
In a world full of opinions and judgment, who wants to post about their struggles
Not me

This past week I could feel the comparison trap coming on and my joy being stolen little by little
I decided to fast from social media this past weekend
Not for anything else but to refocus on my own life 

And guess what? It was only two days, but it was one of the best things I have ever done

An amazing day celebrating an amazing couple

Instead of reading other people's status', I read promises of God
Instead of aimlessly scrolling through people's lives, I scrolled through my own
Instead of having the world tell me what I am NOT, I proclaimed what I AM in Christ

Chosen
Designed
Loved
Forgiven
Saved
Created for a purpose

I am not saying social media is a bad thing or you need to fast from it
But, if we don't have solid boat to ride on, then the world will easily drown us in comparison, jealousy and envy

When we lose our security in Christ, doubt can easily creep in
Why aren't you further along in life?
Why aren't you married?
Why aren't you making more?
Did God really say?
That is the enemy trying to make you believe lies of this world

Who says you need a nicer car or bigger house?
Who says that your job does not matter or not good enough?
Who says you need to be "this far along" at the age of 30?
Who says you are not good enough?
Who says?!

You know what my God says about me?

Jessie, you are exactly where you are supposed to be. You have all you need to accomplish what I have planned for you. I will complete what I started in you. I will fulfill those desires. I have bigger dreams for you then you can ever imagine. I designed YOU for a specific purpose that no one else can fill.  Look to me for purpose, not of this world. Stop striving for your life to look like someone else's. I designed you. Trust me I know exactly where you are and what you need. You are enough. 

Monday I will be going back to social media to connect with the rest of the world
But I will hold tight to promises God has for my life, not the world
The world will not take away my joy

"May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace as you trust in him, so that you may overflow with hope by the power of the Holy Spirit." 

Romans 15:13

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Lord, I Surrender-The prayer that changed my life

When I look up the definition of surrender I find words like:

 yield, abandon, give up oneself.

Scary words to someone whose nature is control

I need to be control.

My rein for control in life got worse after I graduated college

I was content with where I was in life

I was living in complete control of my own life

I thought I was happy

 Except one thing

I was anxious and restless

I questioned God

…A lot

I questioned God why I was not experiencing the same life as my friends

I questioned why He was not showing up in my life the way I wanted

I questioned God why I didn’t have dreams, goals or visions

There has to be more 

My heart was divided

 I was spinning out of control

I thought I was serving the Lord

But I was only serving myself

Serving the world

If I was in complete control why was I feeling this way?

“No servant can serve two masters,

for either he will hate the one and love the other,

or he will be devoted to the one and despise the other.”

Luke 16:13

God, 

I am tired, restless and I know my heart is divided

Trying to control of my life has only caused anxiety and confusion

The world tells me to surrender to no one but I know real faith is complete surrender to You

I don’t want to be anxious anymore
I know that You give a peace that transcends all understanding

Lord, I give complete and utter control of my life to You

I surrender my heart, my life, my mind and soul to You
I surrender to Your will in my life

I know I may suffer in this world but when we suffer and sacrifice in the name of Christ means our reward will be great in Heaven

Amen

I said this prayer almost four years ago

Since then, He has given me more dreams and visions than I ever imagined

I feel and see His forgiveness, Grace and Mercy daily 

I have felt more peace than ever before
He has placed me on an adventure that only He could plan

Leaving a job of 6 years

Mission trip to Ethiopia
Leaving my home in Seattle

Moving to Arizona
No husband, no kids at the age of 30

Ya....none of that was a part of MY plan

“Until there is total surrender, there is now Vision"

————-

You see, this world is rigged to distract us

We get caught up in our jobs, promotions,

flashy cars, clothes, social media and lust

We are easily confused who we serve

The world will fail us

The people we love will fail us

Even you will fail…every.single.day. 

You have a choice

You can serve the world 

You can serve yourself 

You can attempt to find peace in the materials of this world

You can find distractions to fill the void in your heart

You might be happy for a while because you are in control 

But then before you know it, you will get distracted by something else

You can try and keep filling the void with everything except the One it is meant for \

Or

 You can chose to surrender to The One who created this world

The One who promises to give you Hope and a future

The One whose love will fill that void greater than any worldly item

The One who will give you a peace that transcends all understating

The One who promises to Strength, Joy, Forgiveness, Freedom and Eternal Life

The One who is standing by waiting for your surrender

I dare you

I dare you to surrender your life to Him and see what happens

Will each day be perfect afterwards?

Absolutely not

In this world of convenience and comfort He didn’t promise it would be easy

But He did promise a life surrendered to Him will be worth it 

And it will be the best way 
His Way

——————

“Jessie, I don’t compete. I was waiting and calling you.

 I was waiting for you to see, that while you wanted me all of these years, you had another master. Your heart was divided, you loved something else more, and I will not share My Glory.

I had to become your one thing….your only thing. 

And so now…you will be hearing from me a little more.” 

(Jennie Allen, Anything) 

I dare you

I am choosing to put my life in the hands of The One who created it

So far His plans have proven they are way better than my own 

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One Year Reflection

 

It has been one year since I have left my home in Washington and moved down to Arizona

I still can not believe how fast one year has gone by

I struggle between feeling "its seems like yesterday" to "feels like I have been here forever"

It was a radical leap of faith for me that God has blessed

The peace I am feeling is an answered prayer that it was the right choice

 

Even amidst the peace, to say that it has been perfect would be lying

It has been a year of doubt, fear and comparison, but also a year full of receiving Gods good Grace, Mercy and Love than ever before

 

Here are a couple lessons I have learned throughout this year of transition and growth

  

1)  Just like books have chapters, so do our lives

 

To some, moving to another state is not a big deal. But to me, moving to Arizona was a radical leap of faith. It was something I never thought about, dreamed about and definitely never wanted to do and when God made it clear to me He also placed excitement, thrill and a sense of Adventure on my heart. Feelings I thought would last everyday!

But when got down to Arizona, real life came crashing in
 I realized quickly that a new chapter had began
I felt my life went back to the mundane and ordinary

A life I wanted to leave behind

 I started longing for more, trying to force events and doors that were not meant to be opened

I was living without appreciating or even recognizing the season God had me in

 

Yet, I have been reminded that even through these seasons of what seem "mundane and ordinary" God is using it to prepare me, equip me for the next chapter. I can see now that I can still have a radical faith life with every season I am in and every season of my life does not have to be the most exciting chapter of the story

 

Each season prepares us for the next and we need each and every chapter or else the whole story would not make sense.

 

2) When God closes a door in our life, He slams its shut and gives us Grace to move to the next open door.

 

I have NEVER doubted Arizona was the next move for me.

God slammed the door on my life in Seattle and opened up the new door in Arizona

I have never looked back. I have never wished I was still in Seattle.

When God wants something to be done He WILL open a door and make a way for us

 

"See, I am doing a new thing!
    Now it springs up; do you not perceive it?
I am making a way in the desert"

Isaiah 43:19

 

3) Grace allows us to live freely and boldly, knowing that no matter what happens we are covered in Grace

 

I am learning that even in the all out cry- face on the floor- hands in the air- surrender moments

There is Grace that wraps you up, holds you and says "I am here"

Grace says "You are loved"

Grace says "You are forgiven"

Grace says "You are seen"

 

 No one is too far away where the Grace of God cannot go
No one is in too deep where the Grace of God cannot reach down and rescue

 

4) Surrender is a daily, intentional act of trust and I am seeing the blessings, even amidst the trials, that when we surrender to God, we actually gain a life better than we could ever imagine

 

^" Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding;

in all your ways submit to him, and he will make your paths straight."

Proverbs 3:5-6

 

This might possibly be the verse for this past year

Control has always been a struggle for me to let go of

Whether I am trying to control where to hangout with friends or flying an airplane

I want it

 

Letting go of control with MY LIFE and giving it up completely has been a work in progress

Some days are easier to give it to God when my life is going how I want it 

Other days I hold onto with my death grip when I feel my world caving in

 

But God has a way of reminding me He is always in control

He has His way of reminding that His plans are always better than mine
 

He shows me when I walk into City of Grace and feel at home

When I see the Arizona sunset

When I get a phone call from a friend I was thinking about

When I am driving His peace overwhelms me

When I see glimpse of my future during Bible Study

When I read a bible verse and hear Him speak to me

When I get an inspiring text message from a friend that I needed at THAT exact moment

When I receive a Facebook message from a friends mom letting me know she thought of me during her morning devotional

 

Why would I allow my human, worldly, selfish desires to control my life when the God of the universe, the God who made me, made the sun, the moon, the ocean, made every star has a plan for me better than I can ever ask for imagine?

 

"Now to him who is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine, according to his power that is at work within us"

Ephesians 3:20

 

 

" Jessie, let go, surrender control and trust Me. Let me work in your life. Let me show you. Let me bless you. Let me guide your life. Trust me, daughter, I see every tear, every prayer and every desire. I promise I have not forgotten you. Stay focused on what I have coming for you. My promise is Yes and Amen. The story I am writing for you is better than anything you could ever dream up."
 

 

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There's Grace For That

A moment of surrender almost four years led me to Arizona three years later

I left my home in Seattle on a leap of faith

An act of obedience

I came with big dreams and big visions

I came with a big expectations

It has almost been a year down in Arizona

One of the best years of my life

I know I am supposed to be down here

I know God is paving His Will for my life

However, this life doesn't come without difficulties

God didn't promise that even if you walk in His Will it will always be easy

If we are not careful and mindful to put God first, our comfort will set in

Our human control will increase

Our selfish desires start to overpower His desires for us
"Well God, this isn't what I had in mind so I will take over from here.
Thank you for trying"

Our quiet times and prayer lives begin to decrease

Our strength is emptied by the world and its distractions

Has this ever happened to you?

My story of Grace is one of vulnerability

I thought I had it all figured out coming down to Arizona

I thought I was bullet proof to the ways of the world
To the ways of the enemy

Turns out, I am not

And neither are you

We are human beings not meant for this world

We are more broken and fallen just like this world

More than we ever dare to admit

But we are also loved more than we ever dare believe

"for all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God,

and are justified by his grace as a gift,
through the redemption that is in Christ Jesus"

Romans 3:24

So, what is Grace?

When we stumble

There is Grace

When we fall...and fall hard

There is Grace

When we turn away

There is Grace

When we make the wrong decision

There is Grace

When we mess up

There is Grace

Even in the all out cry- face on the floor- hands in the air- surrender moments

There is Grace that wraps you up, holds you and says "I am here"

Grace says "You are loved"

Grace says "You are forgiven"

Grace says "You are seen"

Grace is not something we deserve but something that is freely given to us by The One who loves us 

Grace says, "No matter what you do, nothing can separate you from me and my love"

Grace says, "I understand this world is hard"
Grace says "There is no shame, no judgement, no condemnation" 

Grace says, "No matter what you did to yourself, no matter how you got into this situation, I still forgive you, I still love you"

 No one is too far away where the Grace of God cannot go
No one is in too deep where the Grace of God cannot reach down and rescue

"My grace is sufficient for you,
for my power is made perfect in weakness."

2 Cor. 12:9



We don't deserve Grace
We don't deserve the favor and blessings He brings

In fact, we don't deserve anything God gives us in this world

 But our God, full of compassion, love, and always faithful
He gives it to us anyway

To you

To me

Grace allows us to live freely and boldly, knowing that no matter what happens we are covered in Grace

So, going into year two in Arizona, that is what I am going to do

I will continue to press into the Lord asking for His strength daily

Never taking it for granted

I am going to go boldly into this world knowing I might will stumble

But knowing the Grace of God will ALWAYS get me back up

I am confident that He will help & Grace me to do what He has called me to do
I will rest in the Lord alone
I will rest in His Amazing Grace

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Such a time as this

So, it has been awhile since I have blogged

In fact , I look back at my last blog and it was well over a month ago

And its not that there has not been anything going on in my life

There actually has been some changes in my life

Which means I have a lot going on in my mind

Which also means I am still trying to figure out how to balance this thing called "life"

I wanted to write about the time my family came down at the end of March...

I wanted to write about all the amazing memories we made at the pool, at the ball park and at the Phoenix Zoo...

I wanted to write about the cutest nephews ever and how much I loved having them down here

I also wanted to write about how hard it was not go home with them and have a family dinner

I wanted to write that no one told me moving away would be this hard

I wanted to write that I cried all the way home form the airport and an hour after I got home

But I didn't and I have to be ok with that

This whole moving away from family is such a bitter sweet process

Home sickness hits me hard but then in an instant I can feel back on track

There is too much peace I feel when I think about my life in Arizona

The best is yet to come!

Palm Sunday with the family at my church City of Grace 

Anyway, I did want to write about the biggest change in my life

I started a NEW JOB!

I started April 1st the day after my family left Arizona

I moved down to Arizona with a burning passion was for non-profit

I knew the Lord was turning my life upside down and Arizona was only the beginning

I knew that my life work was going to consist of ministry and non-profit

I just had NO idea what direction

During the fall I started volunteering for Food for the Hungry

I loved the people and the mission

I volunteered under some really great people who have become great friends

Around February I told my friends at FH (Food for the Hungry) that I was looking for a job

They had no job openings but she sent a link from another non-profit that was looking

The non-profit is called Disciple Nations Alliance

"Helping the church rise to her full potential as Gods principal agent 

in restoring, healing and blessing broken nations"

You can read more about DNA HERE

After two interviews and lots of praying I got the job!

Definitely an answered prayer

"Delight yourself in the Lord and 

He will give you the desires of your heart"

Psalm 37:4

It has been only one full week since I have been working for DNA 

I have been challenged in the most humble way during this new job

My heart is being softened and ignited 

Equipped and prepared

You see,  I have BIG dreams and goals for my life

I believe God has given me the passion, desire and dreams to serve in a big way 

And when coming down here I thought I was ready for those dreams 

I thought that I had the knowledge of a non-profit

Turns out passion doesn't equate to knowledge or experience

I thought that I knew what God was doing around the world

Turns out I have no idea

I thought I was cultured and experienced because I have been to Ethiopia

Turns out, I am not 

Working at the DNA has been expanding my world view, my God view, in the most uncomfortable and exciting way possible

I know what God is doing in MY life

I know what God is doing in the lives of MY close family and friends

I see God moving in and out America's culture 

But I dont know what God is doing in the world around me

I am excited for this season to learn, absorb, prepare and get equipped 

This season I am learning to trust God and His timing 

I am learning God always knows what I need better than I do 

 I am learning that every season has a purpose during His Divine Plan for my life

I am learning to LOVE the season I am in while still keeping an expectant attitude

I am learning that God needs to do something IN me, so He can do something THROUGH me

---------------------

Every single season of our lives

 – the school years, single-hood, career building, marriage, parenthood, grandparent-hood

 – is a gift from God

 It’s not a means to our “all,” but rather part of it

That means every single one of us is living in a slice of our “all” at this very moment

When we grasp this thought, it will not only enable us to see the opportunities for learning and growth in this season, but also help us to embrace the exciting things that are going on right now

You see, it’s the seemingly insignificant and mundane moments of life – when we feel we are amounting to nothing – that God is using to get us ready for the next season

God is so faithful to bring fulfillment to the dreams He has placed in our hearts!

- Christine Caine 

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Dear Jesus,

One of my favorite things to do is go to Starbucks and write

I have a new passion for writing down my thoughts and what God is doing in my life

One of my new goals is to write a book- eek!

But as I sit here tonight looking at another amazing sunset,
I cant help but think about where I was a year ago this month

One year ago this month is when I decided to move to Arizona

Of course, I didn't tell anyone right away

Maybe it was fear or maybe because if I did that meant I actually had to do it

One year ago when God said "GO"

One year ago God planted a seed of passion in my heart for Arizona

One year ago God gave me a vision for my life I never imagined

One year ago I was longing for a change in my heart

It has been one year since I knew Arizona was my new home
 I am complete awe of the way the Lord has transformed, prepared, molded & blessed my new life 

--------------------  

Dear Jesus, 

I don't know why You called me to be in Arizona but I love it here. You knew exactly where I needed to go even when I didn't see it yet. I look back at the years before Arizona and sometimes I forget my life in Seattle. Not in a bad way but when You open one door You close the door on the last chapter, keeping my eyes looking forward towards You. I am grateful for my life in Seattle because it reminds me where I come from and the life You brought me out of.  Thank You. 

I see now I wasn't living that passion and purposeful life you created me to live. I was just existing through life- You knew it wasn't how I was supposed to live. Back in the fall of 2011 You so gently opened my eyes to the life You had for me. Back then I didn't know what You were up too, but I knew You were moving and I was going somewhere. Thank you. 

You were compassionate. You didn't show me everything right away. If I knew You were going to take me away from my comfortable job, my family, to Ethiopia and then down to Arizona all in one year, I would have tried to hide from You. I would have told you "NO". It would have been to much. But instead, You started placing seeds of dreams and passion in my heart I never knew existed. You slowly put confidence and security in my heart to be bold in my faith and at the exact moment when You told me it was time for me to leave, I did with a grateful, excited, prepared and ready heart. Thank You. 

You have helped me to see the person I want to become in all aspects of my life; a woman, wife and mother. You opened my eyes to the brokenness of our world and You gave me a heart that breaks for it and wants to serve. Thank You. 

Jesus, I know I wasn't the easiest to work with. I argued, I fought, I cried out to You, I tried to bargain with You, and I doubted You but You never stopped pursuing, loving and showing me Grace. Thank You. 

Though my dreams started getting bigger, and my longings deeper, You placed contentment in my heart that I was right where I was supposed to be. Then in the middle of a fall friday You told me it was time to move on and you started opening doors and giving me Grace to pursue those dreams. Thank You. 

So, here I am in Arizona. I am in awe of my complete peace about being here. Never in my wildest dreams would I ever think this would be my life. Even in the midst of so much unknown Jesus, You give me peace. Thank you. 

Thank you for always giving me not what I wanted, but always what I needed and always better than imagine. Thank You for knowing me better than I know myself. I will continue to ask You to lead me into Your known plan for my life. 

Love, 

Your forever grateful daughter

PS- I cant end this letter without asking about my future husband. I mean where is he?! OK,  I know, I know. You are probably just giving me that look because we both know You have been whispering to me all along who he is and Your purpose of us. I know Jesus, I just get impatient :) Thank You for him and his passion, dreams, vision and leadership in our lives.  You are good! #bestisyettocome

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A New Confidence

I am sitting here tonight with my mom by my side

We have a football game on and peaches on the BBQ for desert

Something about having your mom right next to you to feel at home 

It has been over a month living in Arizona

I would say that it has been a hard transition

And that I am having a hard time in the heat 

Or I am not making any friends or connections

But honestly, thats not true

The last month has been one big adventure

Stepping out into my comfort zone has been my normal lately 

Talking to strangers in the grocery line

Sharing my story with the woman next to me at church

Joining a women's bible study the first day of church 

Going places by myself has become something I am getting used too

A new confidence

A new bravery

Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, the new creation has come: 

The old has gone, the new is here!

2 Cor. 5:17

This doesn't mean that I don't struggle

I miss my family

I miss the comfort of a roommate 

I miss the financial security of a full time job

In fact, nighttime has become a battle ground for loneliness

I wonder what I am doing down here

I question the purpose of this move

I doubt God could possibly answer my deepest prayers

I question why they haven't been fulfilled yet 

I find myself talking to myself a lot at night

I am either praying or yelling 

I havent figured out what exactly I am doing

 I yell

I cry out in frustration

If my neighbors heard me that would think I am crazy

They are new every morning; great is your faithfulness.

Lamentations 3:23

Then the morning comes

A new day comes

I pray, read and meditate- the only thing that gets me through a day 

Holding onto His promises and His Word 

Being confident of this, 

that he who began a good work in you will carry

 it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus.

Phil. 1:6

I remember that every single day, we are a work in progress

He promised not just to lead me but fulfill 

He promised not to just lead but provide

He will finish 

God requires our obedience before our understanding -Christine Caine

And I remember clearly

This Arizona journey is an act of obedience

I think back and I am uninterested

I know my future is better

Obedience is scary

 It is unknown

But it is required 

And You whisper, "Look ahead with joy... everything’s going to work out. 

I promise it's all working out for good...Look to Me" 

Isa:65:17, Ps20:6, Ro.8:28, Matt10:38MSG

And You are up ahead! 
"There are far better things ahead -- than any we leave behind." 
The best is never behind us; You save the *best* for up ahead -- You!
and the end will be the *best*... and it will only be the *beginning*. 

- Ann Voskamp 

So it might take some more days, weeks or months before I really understand

But I will continue to trust

Continue to walk in faith 

And continue to be obedient, in hopeful expectation, 

With the understanding I don't have to understand His ways

But I can be hopeful and remember that the best is yet to come 

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