Wednesday, January 9, 2013

When He feels distant

But those who hope in the Lord
will renew their strength.
They will soar on wings like eagles;
they will run and not grow weary,
they will walk and not be faint
Isaiah 40:31

I woke up this morning tired, anxious, worn and weary
I was hoping that during my quiet time this morning I would get totally consumed into the Word and God would give me exactly what I wanted and bring back the peace I long for
Actually, this is exactly what I wanted to hear from God
"Hi Jessie, here you go, let me show you exactly what I have planned for you, moment by moment, so you dont have to trust me or lean on me ever again because now you know the life I have planned for you."
Didnt work out that way- not even close
Where are you Lord!?
And it was not beause I was too busy going over every detail I need to get done today
Or too consumed by going over my meeting with my UTD board from last night
I was also questioning where my life is going
I was also fantasizing about the life I WANT
Seriously, one of the worst quiet times ever- ugh
But here is the thing
I know why I am anxious
I know why I am tired
I know why I felt completely alone
It is funny because more than ever I feel God working in my life for His glory
I feel that He is preparing me for something great and has placed much passion in my heart
Yet here I am this morning still not trusting His ways
Questioning His plan for my life 
Wondering why it is not happening the way I want it
I am depending on my own, weak, insignificant human strength
I am still hoping to see my own plans play out in my life
This morning may not have been the best quiet times
In fact, it was probably the most anxious I have ever been during my time with the Lord
But you know what, they are necessary
Necessary for me to be reminded that life without complete TRUST in God is simply draining
I may not always feel God every quiet time
He may feel distant sometimes
And I wont always have some BIG revelation every quiet time
However, I am always learning something about My God
He is always teaching me something more about His glory
He is helping me grow into a woman who will submit fully to Him
I am constantly reminded why trusting HIM is absolutley necessary in life
Many are the plans in a person’s heart,
but it is the Lord’s purpose that prevails.
Proverbs 19:21
So, yes this morning was kinda miserable
But His plan for my life is going exactly how it should be
Mine and yours
Trust Him, even through the tiredness, anxiousness, and doubt,
 that His plans will ultimately prevail

Just a good sing I heard on the way to work today
His love never fails and never runs out
Gods LOVE always remains no matter how distant we feel from Him

The light of my life!
He is growing up too fast!
Slow down my Jace man!

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